Hardcore Inquiry

Of note, Poops finished his second playthrough of Kung Fu Panda before joining us in the chat.

Stay Cool, Baby

Probably the coolest thing ever:

Game Night: A Year In Review

Game Night... it's a "tradition" were here at the Axis started several months ago. Well, now that I think about it, it probably started almost a year ago (correct me if I'm wrong here fellas). It's been a pretty good year for multiplayer games, and we've dove head first into a lot of them. However, we're "gamers" in the truest sense of the word... no one genre and no one game can really keep us tied down forever. We're not the guys you still see playing Halo 3 a year out... no, no, our appetite extends far beyond that. However, I do believe the seed was planted with Halo 3. It was a game we all picked up... say what you want about the Halo fanboys (definitely some of the loudest and most obnoxious out there... not to mention it includes these guys), but Halo is more than a solid multiplayer experience. So, off we went. We certainly had our share of late nights, rockets to the face, and the occasional team kill... usually with a rocket to the face on a late night. After several weeks of Halo 3 things died down on the multiplayer front.... I mean we do all have day jobs... which should be obvious by how often this thing is updated. But, we didn't want the party to end, so we instituted our own Game Night... every Wednesday night. Over the next few nights (or weeks?) I plan to lay out each game... tonight I start where we started:

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare

Clearly one of the best games to come out in 2007... which almost kills the "year in review" portion of this... but we didn't start Game Night until early 2008... so shut it (I know this because Fenris and Tag opened my still cellophane encased copy when they came into town for a New Year's party at my house). It was a game I never really excelled at... and I'll be honest, it's a game I don't remember a lot of during most of our game nights because it was a while back. So, with that I'll leave it to the comments... Anybody out there in blog land who has a good COD4 memory feel free to comment (like anybody reads this)... and of course, those of us who are actually PART of game night should leave comments too. DO IT... or the COLE TRAIN WILL GIT YA, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Mirror's Reflection

Mirror’s Edge is a title that isn’t meant for everyone. Some people get motion sickness. Some think it’s not innovative. Come on, it’s a first person running game. I tried it out but decided not to finish it for reasons I’ll say later on. I’d like to say that I’m a fan of the whole free running/parkour thing. Assassin’s Creed put it out there and a little movie called District B13 was also fun to watch. Mirror’s Edge lets you do some very interesting stunts, borderline quite unbelievable. The controls fit but the game itself is pisspoor.



I thought this would be more of a puzzle game but there are at times at most two ways to get from A to B. At first, it was great just running and climbing around but you’re doing it illegally and therefore, police are involved. They shoot at you but you can take a few shots. The things I really disliked about gameplay is that in some areas, you are forced to fight guards with automatic weapons in order to progress. This can be done but I don’t see why I have to. Despite a large environment, the game is really linear. This isn’t what I expected for a running game. If you’ve tried the demo, the prologue level it gives you is a pretty good indication of what the rest of the game is like. I can’t say how it could have been better, I just know how good it is and isn’t. 7/10

Don't Worry, I'm Here To Help...

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. What the fuck are the Houston Texans trying to pull? Turnover after turnover after turnover. It's like Matt Schaub and Sage Rosenfels have some kind of bet going to see who will throw the most eye en tees this year. As I type this, Sage is really padding his stats in this contest. That's pick #4 for the game. But, worry not, dear Texans. Let ol' Aith here help you out. You see I think I've come to the root of the problem:





See that there... that's a Texans Jersey. It's what they've been calling "Liberty White" 'round these parts. Study it very closely... that's where you want to throw the ball. I've even done you the favor of making it an Andre Johnson jersey... turns out, this is where you should be going with the ball most of the time anyway. Now I know it's only your first day here... and I don't want to give you too much to digest right away. But, I think we might be able to go over a couple of variations of the jersey above.

These are Navy and "Battle Red" version of your jersey. Notice how they still display the "Texans" logo above the numbers on the front. That's a real key give away. That's what you want to look for at all times since it's consistent across all 3. Once again, these are Andre Johnson jerseys... seriously, throw him the fucking ball... Matt... up here asshole... this is important shit, pay attention.

Yes, I understand you're hurt... yes I know you didn't play at Navy, I said the Jersey was a "Navy" color... fuck

Now, if you find yourself in a situation where this knowledge has left you... I know a crumbling pocket is a tough place to keep your wits about you... simply look down at your own jersey. Match that up with the little bodies running around in front of you, and throw it to that guy... only make sure that number is "80" for fuck's sake.

Is There Something Important Going On Today?

Hey, it's me, Aith, and I have a few things to say about election day...

What’s really getting to me are all the people who are saying things like “I’m praying for our country” or “I’m worried about our country” or any number of things like this… as if we’ve suddenly become a dictatorship as of this election. There will be slightly minor, almost insignificant differences between an Obama victory and a McCain victory… and even if the differences are, relatively, drastic… it won’t be enough to doom us to the future that these people have seemed to envision. You’re still going to wake up tomorrow and be free to do as you like. You’re still going to have a roof over your head, a gun in your home (if you're into that sort of thing), stores will still be open, water will run, electricity will flow, and unless you murder or steal, no man in a uniform is going to drag you from your home. Oh, also if you're homeless... well then that little "roof over your head" thing might not apply. Get a job... loser.

Also, is it really necessary to update your facebook status to “get out the word on voting”? It’s mother fuckin’ election day… is there really anybody left out there with a facebook/email account who DOESN’T know there’s some kind of election going on, Obama is clearly a member of a Muslim terrorist cell, and John McCain eats fetuses to sustain his frail state of health? Hobos who can't read, write, hear, or speak, know that there's an election going on.

Oh, and then the worst type of person is the “I can’t believe you’re not voting!!!” person… who is all about how it’s your “patriotic duty to vote”… until they find out that you’re voting for the other guy. Then you're a goddamned idiot for even having an opinion. This brings me to the next guy... the “candidate x is a freakin’ moron!!!” guy… way to construct a convincing argument… jackass. Both, McCain and Obama got to where they are by being somewhat intelligent... even if they lied, cheated, and stole to get there... you still have to be pretty smart to pull that off while the nation is watching. I say "Bravo!" to each candidate for both their balls and their cunning.

In conclusion, I like "quotes". Carry on.

Truer Words...

Good Lord the guys over at Penny Arcade have nailed it. I think the IYA crew would work out a similar system if we didn't all want to play every game ever... except War World... Fuck me, that game sucks.

A Great Many Things

Well it looks like On The Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness Episode 2 hits XBLA tomorrow. I'm not at all sure how I missed this, but I'm pretty excited. Well, I'm excited that it's coming out... in a vacuum... when wrapped up with all the other shit coming out it feels like a kick in the ol' mean bean machine that I didn't see coming.


I'm still finishing up Fable 2, I picked up Fallout 3 tonight, and Gears of War 2 comes out in a couple of weeks. Not to mention that I'd like to get my hands on Little Big Planet, and I still haven't given any time to Capcom's 8-bit revival, Mega Man 9.

Oh, and this came in the mail today too:



This is brought to you by the same guy who runs Kissing Suzy Kolber, Drew Magary... a pretty hilarious NFL site. Go buy it... if you have the balls.

Balls... hehe.


Anyway, it looks like I've got plenty to keep me busy for a while.

On another note, now that I have a moment to elaborate, Fable 2 is pretty awesome. I don't know why, but the mindless tasks behind it can sometimes be so entertaining... the little side jobs like wood cutting and bartending are so stupid, but so fun. I'm sure that says absolutely nothing good about me at all. I will say that I'll be glad to give the game a shot going the "evil" route... because FUCK those villagers are annoying. It'll be nice to slap the shit out of one the next time she talks about the rumored killer chicken that ate a boy.

Oh, and in "Intervention Watch '08"... Tag was playing before I signed in... and was still going strong when I signed off. We're monitoring the situation carefully. It should also be noted that he's on his second playthrough. Dude is hardcore. There's the spirit that built the railroads!

Fabled

Can't... stop... playing... Fable 2... must post... but... Fable 2.

And that goes for all 4 of us. I don't even think Tag has used a bathroom since release.

It got ugly during Mass Effect... we'd plan an intervention... but... you know... Fable 2.

Nice Job, A**holes

Just when we thought we were a Celtics opening day loss away from cyanide chewing gum becoming the best selling product in Boston, the Broncos have to go and fuck up everybody's party.

Futball

I’d first like to state that I don't know shit about soccer. I’ve heard through various reviews that this year, EA’s Fifa is far better than the Pro Evolution Soccer series. I took Fifa 09 for a spin this weekend. All I can say is that this game is really fun to play. The game starts out with you and a ball about near half field facing a goalie. You can play around with the controls and just practice shooting. This feeling of freedom and intrigue can only be described as the first time I tried Boom Blox.

The main feature of the game is called Pro Mode where you design your own custom character and put him on a team. You start out on the reserve team and work your way up to the first team. The thing about pro mode is that you only get to play the character you made. You get experience points for doing stuff correctly such as; completing passes, being in the right position, helping on defense, and just running with the ball. Of course, if you do it wrong, they take away experience. There is an arrow on your character showing about where he should be on the field at any particular time so you don’t feel lost. After every game, you can use the experience points towards your player attributes. I learned pretty quickly that you need stamina to play soccer and my left midfielder is going to get some mileage. There are still the generic features you get with all the sports games but I’ll be stuck on pro mode for a while. The game still suffers from its’ previous editions and has a terrible camera system. When in regular play, the game switches players automatically when you’re on defense which sometimes has you suddenly switch off the character you want to be and let the computer dribble right past while you think you’re still controlling the player you wanted to be controlling. It’s a solid title and I might have consider this a buy instead of just a rental. 8/10

Awwww, Sh*t

2-1, Bottom of the 7th Tropicana Field...





Joe Buck: Well we're here in the bottom of the 7th with Aybar at the plate. This has been a close one folks.

Aybar [at plate]: Oh shit... is that Wheeler up over there in the bullpen? Fuck.






Joe Buck: Aybar swings... and it's a LONG FLY BALL! THIS ONE IS OUTTA HERE!

Aybar [rounding bases]: Can't I get a few bonus runs for distance...

IYA Goes Full Tilt

Standby folks as we shift gears a little... and by that I mean rip out the transmission altogether, take off the governor, and knock this mother fucker up to full throttle. We're going to open'er up to all topics... prepare for the most random collection of mindless ramblings on the web... and lots of gratuitous cursing.

Inverted Y Axis Presents: It's a Trap!

Every so often we come across a game that pulls us into the deep dark depths of addiction (read awesomeness). It never came to full blown hand job(s) advanced in a back alley or anything (though Tag did mention a young man named Pedro), but we've all been pretty hooked before. Today we each take a look back to that dark period.

[Note: I think Poops is sitting this one out... we'll catch him on the next for sure.]

Aith:

There have been several games over the years that I have found myself playing over and over again... but addicted? I mean come on... I can quit any time... shit. I guess it mostly all goes back to one game:

That's right mother fuckers. Interplay's Rock 'n Roll Racing. Holy shit I played that game as much as Jack Thompson starts frivolous lawsuits. There was a period of at least 2-3 months where I played all the way through this game every day... sometimes more than once a day. I once wrote a letter to Nintendo Power demanding to know when the sequel would hit shelves (it never did... and like they'd know anyway). I listened to Black Sabbath on this game before I ever heard any actual recording of a Black Sabbath song. I didn't know who Black Sabbath was, but I knew it was fun as shit to blow up cars while racing and listening to them. Hey Blizzard, I know you fuckers own this game now... why don't you take a break from the WoW-fuled money enemas and get an updated version of this over on XBLA, Wii Ware, or the PSN? Seriously, daddy need his fix...

-Aith

Tagurit:

One of the games that sucked me in and didn’t let go was Mass Effect. I was never a big fan of role playing games but this one was considered epic and a “must play” to pretty much all gamers. I decided to take the plunge after hearing good reviews from my circle of gaming trust.

As most people know, there are six classes in the game; soldier, engineer, adept, sentinel, infiltrator, and vanguard. I started off as an infiltrator but didn’t like it so much and started a soldier. After I finished the game in about 43 hours of cumulative play I was hooked on the storyline. So I decided to try an engineer next. Somewhere around this time, I did more research into how you can set up your character. Do I want to be mean or nice? What kind of background should I have to facilitate being mean or nice? I thought if I’m going to spend more time with this game, I should try having my character be female and see if it’s any different (not much btw).

I beat it the second time with an engineer class in about 28 hours of play, then again with a vanguard, an adept, an infiltrator, and finally a sentinel. I also finished my first infiltrator. It became a textbook grind of a game and my final play through ended in 20 hours 23 minutes. I should note that each of my characters have finished the game at 100%, there’s nothing left to do in the game. I played through once more on the hardcore setting with my engineer and started on the insane difficulty with my adept. About this point, people started getting worried and I came to the realization, after 9 playthroughs of the game, that this was stupid. I put the game down at about 70% through insane difficulty (10 playthrough) and haven’t picked it back up since. I’ll estimate 240 hours of my life went to this game, about 10 whole days… jebus fuck.

-Tagurit

Fenris:

It’s tough to just pick one game to expound on about its intrinsic Cracky goodness. This may end up being a semi-recurring post topic. While I was mulling over whether to put forth a RTS, FPS, or other genera game and deciding on which generation of game title to talk up, the ultimate criteria came to me. Which made one game clearly stand out, I’m referring to Sickness.
I’m talking about when you’re so into a game and have been playing for so long that you get physically ill, but still can’t stop playing. Now a couple of game have fallen into this category for me over the years, generally older generation games who’s graphics are at least partially to blame. With newer generation games this Sickness may go away entirely and though I am using it as a gaming yard stick I won’t miss its passing. The top of my list is Morrowind: Elder Scrolls 3 (Ninja Giaden was a close second). This game comes from the minds of Bethesda which along with Bioware have cranked out some of my favorite games over the years.

This original Xbox title was one that I had originally stayed away from and I don’t think I even played it till it had been out for a year or 2. My college degree shall be eternally grateful that I didn’t start it earlier. The detail of character customization and sheer amount and variety of stuff to do in this game was staggering. Morrowind had the topography of an entire continent shoved into a good sized island; you could never know what you would find around the next bend. I was about 40 to 50 hours into my first play through when I found out that I was going to need some city guard to have the game take the course I wanted to go, unfortunately I had made the entire city guard so mad at me that they apparently had kill on sight orders for my character. Lesson don’t steal (get caught wearing the stole armor) from guards.

So I started over. I’m pretty sure I sunk a couple hundred hours into this game. It did have one unfortunate side effect, after spending all that time in Morrowind it made Cyrodiil (Oblivion :Elder Scrolls 4) suck. While Oblivion was a lot prettier to look at it was just missing something. A good analogy is to go from watching Predator or Conan to Junior (why Arnold why). But I have high hopes that Fallout 3 will be everything Morrowind was, Oblivion wasn’t, combined with lots and lots of guns.

-Fenris

So there you have it kids... stick to crack, it's safer.

An Inverted Y Axis Detour

Here at IYA, we dabble in many other things other than video games. Aith rides his bike, Poops landscapes, Tag plays hockey, and Fenris… Fenris-es. So without further ado, we present some random thoughts.

With the big election in the near future, I’m reminded of one of the things that really chaps my caboose: the straight-party vote. In Poopsville - where I rule with absolute power, the Dallas Cowboys never lose a game, OU never wins a game, A&M is not a cult, and the Texas Rangers… well, let’s be honest, not even an imaginary utopia can fix the pitching problems – the boxes for straight-party votes are connected to pressure sensitive switches that when activated propel the “voter” into my own little Great Pit of Carkoon. In these depths, one will not have to deal with being digested over a thousand years. No, no, sweet friends. Mercy will not follow into those depths. Instead, the pit will be filled with ravenous, carnal creatures ready to violate every orifice in your body with whatever appendage they deem apt for the task.

Why such the anger towards the straight-party vote? Why subject people exercising their civic duty to such awful creatures? To me, the straight-party vote indicates one of three things to me:

· Being unfamiliar to all the candidates

· Having a selfish desire for a “team win”

· Having a closed mind and thinking that candidates from the other parties couldn’t possibly be better than the worst from your chosen party.

The first reason is understandable. Often there are several elections going on at a time, and it’s ok to not know everything about every candidate. The second rationale is despicable. Elections are not about bragging to your golf buddies about how one party won and the other party lost. They’re about choosing leaders of the country, heads of government, or in the Dallas ISD’s case, which superintendent can best fuck up a budget - certainly not things to be cast casually aside in favor of some selfish yearning to see your team win. The third option is possibly the most loathsome of all. The political system has evolved so much recently with sub-parties and cross-over candidates that it is ridiculous to think that some one with an R or a D by their name cannot possibly compare to an I candidate.

My proposed solution: if you don’t know, don’t vote. I’m of the opinion that an uninformed vote is far worse than not voting at all. I encourage people to be informed and to cast their ballot. Don’t pull a France maneuver and just give your vote up to every candidate in the same party as the one you do know something about. With all the terrible candidates elected in the past, such actions are truly careless and dangerous.

God, I need to go play some video games.

Fly you fools!

What's that you say? Somebody is actually reading this? Well I'll be...

Were they paid? You don't say... well I guess we should welcome them.

Welcome to the party followers! We're like 'Too Human'... 10 years of hype for 6-8 hours of mediocrity, enjoy!!

Race Day: GT5 Prologue

I think it’s safe to say that I am the racing (game) connoisseur in the group. I recently and finally had the chance to try out GT5 Prologue. I’ve played some of the earlier versions of this game and thought they were just generic. GT5 shows its’ flash on the PS3. The game is gorgeous, from the menus to the venues, which some people may call tracks. The competition can be stiff in this huge demo, you find yourself really competing for the preferred line in the road courses. Racing dynamic is realistic to a certain degree. Your tires will wear and drafting is important but I have a HUGE problem with the feature of being able to slam into another car and have the cars neither take damage nor break speed and path. How can a racing simulation of this day and age skimp on these physics when they seem essential to racing competition? The allowance of this invincibility opens the flood gates for asshattery in online games. If you’ve smashed into a breaking car at full speed, you should be eating your radiator, not pushing the other car forwards while you match pace. Still the eye candy and number of cars is genuine to the Gran Turismo experience so I give it a 6/10 and await the full game to see if some of the issues have been looked into.

That being said, I am also anticipating the release of the hardest fucking racing game ever made, in a series of video games, to be released October 30th. I’m talking about MotoGP '08. Yes it’s hard to believe but my racing influence includes motorcycles. I’ve been keeping up with the MotoGP season in real life and it’s been an exciting season. Valentino Rossi is the most ridiculous racer I’ve ever seen, ridiculous meaning the most badass. The games’ crappy controls and unforgiving physics means you have to have memorized the courses, preferred lines, and front and rear tire braking ratios on every turn to have any success at the game. Unbelievably, the MotoGP series has a humongous following, most likely derived from its’ real life fan base. This is the only game I have ever played that requires practice to actually be decent at. Even then, you’re still going to get lapped by the computer on the easy setting. Can’t frickin’ wait…

Always Be Polite

Recently one of my fellow cohorts had a bit of trouble with the power company. Now I’m not saying that this exactly how everything went down, but I think that there are several very large grains of truth in this post.

In Search of Mech 1.5

So apparently the last panel in “In Search of Mech” wasn’t as clear as it could have been. With that in mind here is a rough sketch that will hopefully be easier to understand. Who knew drawing stools would be so hard

Angry Review: War World

Have you ever played a game that just pissed you the fuck off? Well us too. We here at I.Y.A. plan to let the world (well all 4 people who read this) know just how angry we are. Enjoy (the review, because I promise you won't enjoy the game)!

I like Mechs... I like Mech games... I mean what's cooler than giant robots blowing stuff up and crushing things beneath their feet? Well, if you're playing War World you might think that hanging yourself is a great alternative. You get one freakin' weapon on most Mechs... even HUGE Mechs. The weapons you DO get have no weight to them. When I hop into an Atlus in MechAssault and fire 5 auotcannons into the chest of another Mech, there's plenty going on on-screen and audibly to let me know I just fucked up his day. In War World, the best they could do was give you a health meter above your enemies head that you watch slowly drain away to 0... ending in an AMAZING pyrotechnics display... nooooooot (holla at outdated, lame, movie references!!). Most things just disappear into a cloud of greenish yellowish vapor... except for trees, buildings, towers, etc. Those don't blow up at all. How the fuck does a tree stop 100 tons of fuck-you-up? By simply being right in front of it obviously. I swear the inhabitants of War World should build their war machines out of wood because apparently that shit is amazing. Oh, also, the game lags... offline.

So, if you're thinking of picking up War World, here's an idea. Commit a crime, go to prison, become somebody's bitch. It'll be pretty much the same... you don't want it, but it'll be forced on you anyway. Thanks a lot Ubisoft. Consider this our first I.Y.A. exclusive: Ubisoft, Prison Rapists. This report is of course coming from the preposition that Ubisoft was already in prison for past crimes... like naming a game Pandora Tomorrow, or this:

Way to turn a Daniel Larussa looking pussy into the lead singer of an emo band. Bunch of stupid fucks.

In Search of Mech (War Worlds)

Head Asplode!!

This is Aith, warning you to be cautious when reading Fenris's posts. That is all.

Who you gonna call

Who you gonna call

I had planned for this to be all in color, but turns out coloring sucks. So until some new hardware and software is procured it looks like scans or black and whites.

Hazed weekend

I finally got Haze from Gamefly after two weeks of waiting. This is a game that I wanted to turn around quickly, only because I was just slightly interested in it. If you've played TimeSplitters, the gameplay is somewhat like that. It took me 6.5 hours to beat. I didn't really like the gameplay that much but progressing through the story was what really kept me going, even though it was predictable. The cut scenes were well placed and your AI teammates weren't completely stupid, friendly fire is on... There were a couple defining moments in the game that were supposed to be climaxes but they just didn't feel convincing.

Gameplay for the Mantel troopers was terrible. Sure you get yours shots of Nectar when encountering enemies, it makes them glow orange so you can see them. Plus it increases your health. You get six injections initially but they recharge over time, or you can take them from your teammates. Accidentally shooting your teammates in the nectar injector on their backs causes them to turn from yellow to red and they go crazy, shooting everyone, even you. When you switch sides to the rebels, the gameplay becomes a little better. The reticule downgrades from a nice zoomed crosshair to ironsites. Your teammates actually try to help you instead of just trying to cover you. The feign dead rebel feature has pretty much no use and you find yourself scavenging for ammo the entire game. Enemy AI are terrible shots, even the snipers, except for when you're in a vehicle, they can hit that... Overall I can say I'm satisfied for trying it out but give it a 6/10.

Today is a beautiful day

Good morning, internet and all its denizens. It truly is such a wonderful and blessed day already. Waking up to such headlines as "Disaster in Corvalis, "Another Pac-10 Flop", and the less than subtle "USC loses to Oregon State" (someone sprained their brain thinking of that one) just makes the little football fan in me smile. Granted, USC will still be in contention for a BCS spot because of the timing of their less-than-gracious defeat and the deplorable college football ranking system; however, their effort last night serves as a great reminder that no matter how long those schools on the left scream and cry "What about us?!" when bowl selection time comes around, the response can still be "You're the Pac-10. Shut up and be grateful anyone knows that football is played over there." It's time to revel in the misery of others for a while.

Where the f**k have YOU Been?

What... hello? Oh hey... wow, that was quite the nap. It's good to see you again. How long was I out? 2 weeks you say? Well, it's really good to see you... did you miss me? Yeah, I missed you too. So, what do you say we have a nice quiet night together? Maybe turn down the lights and play a little Bioshock... or maybe some Castle Crashers. I've missed your touch... I've missed the way those games run though my processor... all that... processing. It just gets me so... so... oh, what is that you've got there...

You have got to be fucking kidding me...

Technical Support

You can do anything at zombo.com

Onto The Internet You Go!!111oneone

When I logged on and saw one of my cohorts had already posted something. I knew they wouldn't let me down by not using some true gamer asshatery. Nice work TYI. Welcome to Inverted Y Axis... we're dumb, dumb as hell, but we hope to be kind of teh funny as well. We all have what they call "real jobs"... except Fenris, who's a state employee. That being said, I hope to still have pretty regular post. We will all be learning how this whole things works together. We will not likely be offering much "news" or "facts"... but if you want to know what my dog thinks of my Battlefield: Bad Company skills (seriously, he's a real dick)... well then, you may have come to the right place. Hopefully we'll hear from Fenris and P. Magee in the near future. These words will be dying now (don't worry, the respawn is nearby, HUZZAH!!!).

First

This is where words come to die.