Friday, October 31, 2008

Truer Words...

Good Lord the guys over at Penny Arcade have nailed it. I think the IYA crew would work out a similar system if we didn't all want to play every game ever... except War World... Fuck me, that game sucks.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

A Great Many Things

Well it looks like On The Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness Episode 2 hits XBLA tomorrow. I'm not at all sure how I missed this, but I'm pretty excited. Well, I'm excited that it's coming out... in a vacuum... when wrapped up with all the other shit coming out it feels like a kick in the ol' mean bean machine that I didn't see coming.

I'm still finishing up Fable 2, I picked up Fallout 3 tonight, and Gears of War 2 comes out in a couple of weeks. Not to mention that I'd like to get my hands on Little Big Planet, and I still haven't given any time to Capcom's 8-bit revival, Mega Man 9.

Oh, and this came in the mail today too:

This is brought to you by the same guy who runs Kissing Suzy Kolber, Drew Magary... a pretty hilarious NFL site. Go buy it... if you have the balls.

Balls... hehe.

Anyway, it looks like I've got plenty to keep me busy for a while.

On another note, now that I have a moment to elaborate, Fable 2 is pretty awesome. I don't know why, but the mindless tasks behind it can sometimes be so entertaining... the little side jobs like wood cutting and bartending are so stupid, but so fun. I'm sure that says absolutely nothing good about me at all. I will say that I'll be glad to give the game a shot going the "evil" route... because FUCK those villagers are annoying. It'll be nice to slap the shit out of one the next time she talks about the rumored killer chicken that ate a boy.

Oh, and in "Intervention Watch '08"... Tag was playing before I signed in... and was still going strong when I signed off. We're monitoring the situation carefully. It should also be noted that he's on his second playthrough. Dude is hardcore. There's the spirit that built the railroads!


Can't... stop... playing... Fable 2... must post... but... Fable 2.

And that goes for all 4 of us. I don't even think Tag has used a bathroom since release.

It got ugly during Mass Effect... we'd plan an intervention... but... you know... Fable 2.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Nice Job, A**holes

Just when we thought we were a Celtics opening day loss away from cyanide chewing gum becoming the best selling product in Boston, the Broncos have to go and fuck up everybody's party.


I’d first like to state that I don't know shit about soccer. I’ve heard through various reviews that this year, EA’s Fifa is far better than the Pro Evolution Soccer series. I took Fifa 09 for a spin this weekend. All I can say is that this game is really fun to play. The game starts out with you and a ball about near half field facing a goalie. You can play around with the controls and just practice shooting. This feeling of freedom and intrigue can only be described as the first time I tried Boom Blox.

The main feature of the game is called Pro Mode where you design your own custom character and put him on a team. You start out on the reserve team and work your way up to the first team. The thing about pro mode is that you only get to play the character you made. You get experience points for doing stuff correctly such as; completing passes, being in the right position, helping on defense, and just running with the ball. Of course, if you do it wrong, they take away experience. There is an arrow on your character showing about where he should be on the field at any particular time so you don’t feel lost. After every game, you can use the experience points towards your player attributes. I learned pretty quickly that you need stamina to play soccer and my left midfielder is going to get some mileage. There are still the generic features you get with all the sports games but I’ll be stuck on pro mode for a while. The game still suffers from its’ previous editions and has a terrible camera system. When in regular play, the game switches players automatically when you’re on defense which sometimes has you suddenly switch off the character you want to be and let the computer dribble right past while you think you’re still controlling the player you wanted to be controlling. It’s a solid title and I might have consider this a buy instead of just a rental. 8/10

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Awwww, Sh*t

2-1, Bottom of the 7th Tropicana Field...

Joe Buck: Well we're here in the bottom of the 7th with Aybar at the plate. This has been a close one folks.

Aybar [at plate]: Oh shit... is that Wheeler up over there in the bullpen? Fuck.

Joe Buck: Aybar swings... and it's a LONG FLY BALL! THIS ONE IS OUTTA HERE!

Aybar [rounding bases]: Can't I get a few bonus runs for distance...

IYA Goes Full Tilt

Standby folks as we shift gears a little... and by that I mean rip out the transmission altogether, take off the governor, and knock this mother fucker up to full throttle. We're going to open'er up to all topics... prepare for the most random collection of mindless ramblings on the web... and lots of gratuitous cursing.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Inverted Y Axis Presents: It's a Trap!

Every so often we come across a game that pulls us into the deep dark depths of addiction (read awesomeness). It never came to full blown hand job(s) advanced in a back alley or anything (though Tag did mention a young man named Pedro), but we've all been pretty hooked before. Today we each take a look back to that dark period.

[Note: I think Poops is sitting this one out... we'll catch him on the next for sure.]


There have been several games over the years that I have found myself playing over and over again... but addicted? I mean come on... I can quit any time... shit. I guess it mostly all goes back to one game:

That's right mother fuckers. Interplay's Rock 'n Roll Racing. Holy shit I played that game as much as Jack Thompson starts frivolous lawsuits. There was a period of at least 2-3 months where I played all the way through this game every day... sometimes more than once a day. I once wrote a letter to Nintendo Power demanding to know when the sequel would hit shelves (it never did... and like they'd know anyway). I listened to Black Sabbath on this game before I ever heard any actual recording of a Black Sabbath song. I didn't know who Black Sabbath was, but I knew it was fun as shit to blow up cars while racing and listening to them. Hey Blizzard, I know you fuckers own this game now... why don't you take a break from the WoW-fuled money enemas and get an updated version of this over on XBLA, Wii Ware, or the PSN? Seriously, daddy need his fix...



One of the games that sucked me in and didn’t let go was Mass Effect. I was never a big fan of role playing games but this one was considered epic and a “must play” to pretty much all gamers. I decided to take the plunge after hearing good reviews from my circle of gaming trust.

As most people know, there are six classes in the game; soldier, engineer, adept, sentinel, infiltrator, and vanguard. I started off as an infiltrator but didn’t like it so much and started a soldier. After I finished the game in about 43 hours of cumulative play I was hooked on the storyline. So I decided to try an engineer next. Somewhere around this time, I did more research into how you can set up your character. Do I want to be mean or nice? What kind of background should I have to facilitate being mean or nice? I thought if I’m going to spend more time with this game, I should try having my character be female and see if it’s any different (not much btw).

I beat it the second time with an engineer class in about 28 hours of play, then again with a vanguard, an adept, an infiltrator, and finally a sentinel. I also finished my first infiltrator. It became a textbook grind of a game and my final play through ended in 20 hours 23 minutes. I should note that each of my characters have finished the game at 100%, there’s nothing left to do in the game. I played through once more on the hardcore setting with my engineer and started on the insane difficulty with my adept. About this point, people started getting worried and I came to the realization, after 9 playthroughs of the game, that this was stupid. I put the game down at about 70% through insane difficulty (10 playthrough) and haven’t picked it back up since. I’ll estimate 240 hours of my life went to this game, about 10 whole days… jebus fuck.



It’s tough to just pick one game to expound on about its intrinsic Cracky goodness. This may end up being a semi-recurring post topic. While I was mulling over whether to put forth a RTS, FPS, or other genera game and deciding on which generation of game title to talk up, the ultimate criteria came to me. Which made one game clearly stand out, I’m referring to Sickness.
I’m talking about when you’re so into a game and have been playing for so long that you get physically ill, but still can’t stop playing. Now a couple of game have fallen into this category for me over the years, generally older generation games who’s graphics are at least partially to blame. With newer generation games this Sickness may go away entirely and though I am using it as a gaming yard stick I won’t miss its passing. The top of my list is Morrowind: Elder Scrolls 3 (Ninja Giaden was a close second). This game comes from the minds of Bethesda which along with Bioware have cranked out some of my favorite games over the years.

This original Xbox title was one that I had originally stayed away from and I don’t think I even played it till it had been out for a year or 2. My college degree shall be eternally grateful that I didn’t start it earlier. The detail of character customization and sheer amount and variety of stuff to do in this game was staggering. Morrowind had the topography of an entire continent shoved into a good sized island; you could never know what you would find around the next bend. I was about 40 to 50 hours into my first play through when I found out that I was going to need some city guard to have the game take the course I wanted to go, unfortunately I had made the entire city guard so mad at me that they apparently had kill on sight orders for my character. Lesson don’t steal (get caught wearing the stole armor) from guards.

So I started over. I’m pretty sure I sunk a couple hundred hours into this game. It did have one unfortunate side effect, after spending all that time in Morrowind it made Cyrodiil (Oblivion :Elder Scrolls 4) suck. While Oblivion was a lot prettier to look at it was just missing something. A good analogy is to go from watching Predator or Conan to Junior (why Arnold why). But I have high hopes that Fallout 3 will be everything Morrowind was, Oblivion wasn’t, combined with lots and lots of guns.


So there you have it kids... stick to crack, it's safer.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

An Inverted Y Axis Detour

Here at IYA, we dabble in many other things other than video games. Aith rides his bike, Poops landscapes, Tag plays hockey, and Fenris… Fenris-es. So without further ado, we present some random thoughts.

With the big election in the near future, I’m reminded of one of the things that really chaps my caboose: the straight-party vote. In Poopsville - where I rule with absolute power, the Dallas Cowboys never lose a game, OU never wins a game, A&M is not a cult, and the Texas Rangers… well, let’s be honest, not even an imaginary utopia can fix the pitching problems – the boxes for straight-party votes are connected to pressure sensitive switches that when activated propel the “voter” into my own little Great Pit of Carkoon. In these depths, one will not have to deal with being digested over a thousand years. No, no, sweet friends. Mercy will not follow into those depths. Instead, the pit will be filled with ravenous, carnal creatures ready to violate every orifice in your body with whatever appendage they deem apt for the task.

Why such the anger towards the straight-party vote? Why subject people exercising their civic duty to such awful creatures? To me, the straight-party vote indicates one of three things to me:

· Being unfamiliar to all the candidates

· Having a selfish desire for a “team win”

· Having a closed mind and thinking that candidates from the other parties couldn’t possibly be better than the worst from your chosen party.

The first reason is understandable. Often there are several elections going on at a time, and it’s ok to not know everything about every candidate. The second rationale is despicable. Elections are not about bragging to your golf buddies about how one party won and the other party lost. They’re about choosing leaders of the country, heads of government, or in the Dallas ISD’s case, which superintendent can best fuck up a budget - certainly not things to be cast casually aside in favor of some selfish yearning to see your team win. The third option is possibly the most loathsome of all. The political system has evolved so much recently with sub-parties and cross-over candidates that it is ridiculous to think that some one with an R or a D by their name cannot possibly compare to an I candidate.

My proposed solution: if you don’t know, don’t vote. I’m of the opinion that an uninformed vote is far worse than not voting at all. I encourage people to be informed and to cast their ballot. Don’t pull a France maneuver and just give your vote up to every candidate in the same party as the one you do know something about. With all the terrible candidates elected in the past, such actions are truly careless and dangerous.

God, I need to go play some video games.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Fly you fools!

What's that you say? Somebody is actually reading this? Well I'll be...
Were they paid? You don't say... well I guess we should welcome them.
Welcome to the party followers! We're like 'Too Human'... 10 years of hype for 6-8 hours of mediocrity, enjoy!!

Monday, October 6, 2008

Race Day: GT5 Prologue

I think it’s safe to say that I am the racing (game) connoisseur in the group. I recently and finally had the chance to try out GT5 Prologue. I’ve played some of the earlier versions of this game and thought they were just generic. GT5 shows its’ flash on the PS3. The game is gorgeous, from the menus to the venues, which some people may call tracks. The competition can be stiff in this huge demo, you find yourself really competing for the preferred line in the road courses. Racing dynamic is realistic to a certain degree. Your tires will wear and drafting is important but I have a HUGE problem with the feature of being able to slam into another car and have the cars neither take damage nor break speed and path. How can a racing simulation of this day and age skimp on these physics when they seem essential to racing competition? The allowance of this invincibility opens the flood gates for asshattery in online games. If you’ve smashed into a breaking car at full speed, you should be eating your radiator, not pushing the other car forwards while you match pace. Still the eye candy and number of cars is genuine to the Gran Turismo experience so I give it a 6/10 and await the full game to see if some of the issues have been looked into.

That being said, I am also anticipating the release of the hardest fucking racing game ever made, in a series of video games, to be released October 30th. I’m talking about MotoGP '08. Yes it’s hard to believe but my racing influence includes motorcycles. I’ve been keeping up with the MotoGP season in real life and it’s been an exciting season. Valentino Rossi is the most ridiculous racer I’ve ever seen, ridiculous meaning the most badass. The games’ crappy controls and unforgiving physics means you have to have memorized the courses, preferred lines, and front and rear tire braking ratios on every turn to have any success at the game. Unbelievably, the MotoGP series has a humongous following, most likely derived from its’ real life fan base. This is the only game I have ever played that requires practice to actually be decent at. Even then, you’re still going to get lapped by the computer on the easy setting. Can’t frickin’ wait…

Always Be Polite

Recently one of my fellow cohorts had a bit of trouble with the power company. Now I’m not saying that this exactly how everything went down, but I think that there are several very large grains of truth in this post.

In Search of Mech 1.5

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Angry Review: War World

Have you ever played a game that just pissed you the fuck off? Well us too. We here at I.Y.A. plan to let the world (well all 4 people who read this) know just how angry we are. Enjoy (the review, because I promise you won't enjoy the game)!

I like Mechs... I like Mech games... I mean what's cooler than giant robots blowing stuff up and crushing things beneath their feet? Well, if you're playing War World you might think that hanging yourself is a great alternative. You get one freakin' weapon on most Mechs... even HUGE Mechs. The weapons you DO get have no weight to them. When I hop into an Atlus in MechAssault and fire 5 auotcannons into the chest of another Mech, there's plenty going on on-screen and audibly to let me know I just fucked up his day. In War World, the best they could do was give you a health meter above your enemies head that you watch slowly drain away to 0... ending in an AMAZING pyrotechnics display... nooooooot (holla at outdated, lame, movie references!!). Most things just disappear into a cloud of greenish yellowish vapor... except for trees, buildings, towers, etc. Those don't blow up at all. How the fuck does a tree stop 100 tons of fuck-you-up? By simply being right in front of it obviously. I swear the inhabitants of War World should build their war machines out of wood because apparently that shit is amazing. Oh, also, the game lags... offline.

So, if you're thinking of picking up War World, here's an idea. Commit a crime, go to prison, become somebody's bitch. It'll be pretty much the same... you don't want it, but it'll be forced on you anyway. Thanks a lot Ubisoft. Consider this our first I.Y.A. exclusive: Ubisoft, Prison Rapists. This report is of course coming from the preposition that Ubisoft was already in prison for past crimes... like naming a game Pandora Tomorrow, or this:

Way to turn a Daniel Larussa looking pussy into the lead singer of an emo band. Bunch of stupid fucks.

Friday, October 3, 2008

In Search of Mech (War Worlds)