Sunday, October 5, 2008

Angry Review: War World

Have you ever played a game that just pissed you the fuck off? Well us too. We here at I.Y.A. plan to let the world (well all 4 people who read this) know just how angry we are. Enjoy (the review, because I promise you won't enjoy the game)!

I like Mechs... I like Mech games... I mean what's cooler than giant robots blowing stuff up and crushing things beneath their feet? Well, if you're playing War World you might think that hanging yourself is a great alternative. You get one freakin' weapon on most Mechs... even HUGE Mechs. The weapons you DO get have no weight to them. When I hop into an Atlus in MechAssault and fire 5 auotcannons into the chest of another Mech, there's plenty going on on-screen and audibly to let me know I just fucked up his day. In War World, the best they could do was give you a health meter above your enemies head that you watch slowly drain away to 0... ending in an AMAZING pyrotechnics display... nooooooot (holla at outdated, lame, movie references!!). Most things just disappear into a cloud of greenish yellowish vapor... except for trees, buildings, towers, etc. Those don't blow up at all. How the fuck does a tree stop 100 tons of fuck-you-up? By simply being right in front of it obviously. I swear the inhabitants of War World should build their war machines out of wood because apparently that shit is amazing. Oh, also, the game lags... offline.

So, if you're thinking of picking up War World, here's an idea. Commit a crime, go to prison, become somebody's bitch. It'll be pretty much the same... you don't want it, but it'll be forced on you anyway. Thanks a lot Ubisoft. Consider this our first I.Y.A. exclusive: Ubisoft, Prison Rapists. This report is of course coming from the preposition that Ubisoft was already in prison for past crimes... like naming a game Pandora Tomorrow, or this:

Way to turn a Daniel Larussa looking pussy into the lead singer of an emo band. Bunch of stupid fucks.

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