On Geth Keepsakes

Heretic Station: Phoenix Massing/The Sea of Storms


Geth 5483: Dammit... that's the 4th time I've taken down Shepard's buddies and they keep getting the fuck back up. What is going on?

Geth 6572: Maybe they're just faking it... How the hell did they get this deep into the station anyway? You'd think we'd have installed some bio-sensors or something. Maybeve even a fucking window...

Geth 5483: Shut up, just keep the pressure on them. They can't keep this up forever.

Geth 6572: Yeah, you're ri.... wait, what the fuck?! Shepard is getting into my med station over there... HEY, FUCKING GET OUT OF THERE SHEPARD!

[Shepard takes medi-gel from med station]

Geth 5483: Your what? Why the hell do you have a med station here? We're fucking machines.

Geth 6572: I took it as a souvenir on Eden Prime...

Geth 6572: Mocking Tone - I took it as a souvenir on Eden Prime

Geth 6572: You know I hate it when you do your Elcor impression. I can hear the fucking tone of your voice...

Geth 5483: Shut up... just shut up. This is the dumbest thing you've done since you brought that EMP to 2894's birthday party.

Geth 6572: Hey, nobody got hurt... that bad.

Geth 5483: You're an idiot... no wonder they keep getting back up if you're just leaving medkits sitting around

[Miranda goes down, gets back up]

Geth 5483: See, look at that... they could do this all day. How many did you take?

Geth 6572: Just the one... plus like 10 medkits...

Geth 5483: Unbelieving Angry Inquiry - TEN!? TEN!? TEN MEDKITS!?

Geth 6572: That's what I'm talking about. You don't even try to hide your inflection...

Geth 5483: Fuck this, I'm uploading myself back to the hub.

Geth 6572: But... what will I...


Geth 6572: .... shit.

Yeah, We're Still Playing Mass Effect 2

It's been quiet around this page the past week, I know. I apologize for nothing. We've (and by "we" I mean Chuck and me... I'll explain the other 2 in a moment) been playing a lot of Mass Effect 2. Chuck finished up his first play through over the weekend, and I'm wandering around somewhere on Disk 2. It's so good... I don't even know how else to put it... it's just... SO GOOD. There's a great story there again, the game moves and plays well, and it all looks amazing. I can very easily see myself playing through this one again, which is something I didn't do with the first one. I loved the first Mass Effect, but it's not too often that I will go through an "Epic" game more than once (i.e. Mass Effect, Fallout 3, Gears of War HEYOOOOOOO!). The time investment is typically just too great, but there's something about this game that has me already planning my second play through even though I'm only halfway through (that's a rough estimate). I loaded up my old Mass Effect character for this go 'round. I'm going to see how it works out with a new character the next run. I've also never used a biotic character in a Mass Effect game, so I want to explore that some.

As for Barry and Josh... Josh has been on a noble quest to finish up Darksiders and Dragon Age: Origins before jumping into Mass Effect 2. Barry was red ringed out of the game for a while. It's been odd not having him around Xbox Live. Maybe it's more odd that I feel so out of touch with a good friend when he isn't on Xbox Live. The only correspondence I had with him over the weekend was a text message that said "Oscar Mike to beer." I suppose his cause is just as, if not more, noble than Josh's.

Finally, there's a bit of exciting news for this particular member of the Axis. I don't want to say a whole lot just yet, but as soon as I have all the details I'll be letting everybody know. So keep an eye out.

A Tender Moment With Mass Effect 2 Collector's Edition

Oh... why... hello there Mass Effect 2 Collector's Edition. What are you doing here?


MASS EFFECT 2, what are you doing?!... showing me your steel game case. You naughty girl... But what's that over there?


Mmmmm, a 48 page hard cover art book AND a limited edition Mass Effect Redemption #1 comic book. You are just too much.

What's that? You also come with a download code for a new weapon and armor.

Ok, I can't take it anymore... come here you, and let me install you to my HARD drive...

Poops Magee in: The Ballad of Toht and Buttermouth

An alternate and possibly more useful title may be "Why I will never go to a midnight release again", but that's neither here nor there. I recently acquired my copy of Mass Effect 2 (thanks, Shepardclause!) at a midnight release at my local Gamestop. I believe Ryan has already covered my reasoning for such a venture, so I won't dwell on those details.

Let me start by saying that the last midnight release I attended was for Halo 3, and I was so damaged by that event that I swore then to never do it again. Last time, I was surrounded by gamer snobs bragging about their gamerscores (their GAMERSCORES!!) like it was something their mom would tell her friends about with a glowig smile and a puffed out chest. To me, that's about as good of an indicator of your ambitions in life as talking up how many friends you have on facebook. The onslaught continued with talks of their best kill scores in Halo 2, excitement about the possible nudity of Cortana, and other such trash that made me wish I was born without ears.

That sets the groundwork nicely for this evening's (morning's?) events. I got to the Gamestop only to be very disappointed that I had arrived at 11:45 and had to find a non-rage-inducing way of killing 15 minutes. After sitting in my car and listening to the dulcet, lady-like tones of Reggie Miller on the Dan Patrick show, I decided that there had to be a better way.

So I went in.

Upon breaching the threshold of the Gamestop, I was greeted with the usual crowd that attends midnight releases. Of note, there was the mid 50 year-old with a ponytail and a sour demeanor, the guy who was still in his work uniform, a dude with spiked up hair and a bluetooth earpiece who was undoubtedly going to take the game back to the Kappa house so he and his "brothers" could race to the finish during any romantic scenes, and then there were these two rare creatures:

It's like pure joy split into two beings

These two guys are some of the hardest to find citizens of the gamer world - the guys that make you ashamed to have the same hobby as they do. Since I dared not interrupt their witty, loud repartee to get their names, I've dubbed them Major Toht and Buttermouth. Major Toht, as you may have guessed is the fellow on the left. Apparently the night was ripe for a knee-length leather coat, a bowler hat he was holding in his right hand (gentlemen never wear hats inside) work boots with white socks, and round specs. It was this attire that earned him the moniker "Toht".

We're, hehe, not here to drink

His trusty sidekick in his gaming venture, the gentleman on the right in the above photo, was the louder one of the pair, sporting a shirt that would make Magnum, P.I. gag, some swanky linen pants, and some finely crafted moccasins (socks sold separately). He capped off the ensemble with a killer ponytail and they yellowest, most churn-golden chiclets that ever existed and could only be the product of a two-packs-a-day habit coupled with an immoral love of Easy Cheese. This, ladies and gentlemen, is Buttermouth.

Once i was settled in the back of the store and closer to the Dynamic Duo, a few things became clear. First, the guys were avid fans of the Adult Swim programming block as they were embroiled in a heated discussion about whether Titan Maximum was better than Robot Chicken. Apples to oranges? Such things do not exist to Toht and Buttermouth. Their chatting ranged all over from TV shows to movies, and finally settling in on video games.

It was about this time that the registers opened and Major Toht chimed in loudly with something he'd probably been rehearsing in his head all night: "Ok, so, who's here for MAG?" (which was also releasing at midnight). He followed up his query with a self-satisfied chuckle and a "who's with me?" look around the store. Buttermouth, like any good sidekick, was happy to support his pal and offered the dubious behind-the-back low five as a prize for his friend's zinger. Just before I passed out from the pain, I managed to get my game and get out of Dodge.

This friggin game better be worth it. Also, I won't be doing that again. I swear.

Awaiting Shepard Claus

So, Mass Effect 2 is almost here. Chuck has informed us that he will be attending a midnight release to "make sure he gets a copy." The idea behind this is both understandable and absurd. You see, he pre-ordered the game, but he did so from Gamestop. They have a habit of not having items you've already paid for when you come to pick them up. I can see a bleak future where the snarky 17-year-old behind the counter has abandoned "you should have pre-ordered it" and will resort to telling us we have to attend their midnight releases now.

Coming soon to a storefront near you!

Then he'll probably make a joke about me being old and staying up that late. Oh how the tables will turn when he tries to walk across my lawn. What a dick.

I pre-ordered my copy from Best Buy... where there are often *GASP* SURPLUS copies of new releases. Fear not late adopters (and by late, I mean release day), Best Buy will likely have more copies available than you care to buy. I don't even know for sure WHY I pre-ordered it... perhaps it was the promise of nifty armor. Maybe it was because I wanted to secure the collectors edition. Most likely it's just that I'm a sucker, and they're proving it one $5 deposit and shiny box at a time.

With Mass Effect 2 coming I tasked myself with completing Darksiders over the weekend. I wrapped it up last night around midnight. It was 15-20 hours of awesome (my exact finish time escapes me at the moment, but I think it was around 17 hours). You can find reviews of it all over the place, so I'll spare you another one. I will say that if you enjoy adventure games, Zelda, badassery, giant swords, and everything awesome, then you should play Darksiders.

So, everybody strap in and get ready. We're in the home stretch for the Mass Effect 2 launch. What's that Europe? Why yes, it is:

(Shepard Claus photo courtesy of Chuck, aka Poops.)

Mass Effect 2 Gets Even Closer

I've been working on a review of Army of 2: The 40th Day. My hope it to have it posted by tomorrow. With that, I guess you can assume that I have, in fact, played through the game. I'm actually on my second playthrough right now as I do some achievement hunting. Barry and I conquered that beast. I also noticed that Josh picked it up and was playing it with his roommate. Not to give away too much, but everybody enjoyed it.

So, Mass Effect 2 continues to be what is on everybody's mind. The first one was a game that locked all of us down for a while. The story gripped me hard and I came home every night ready to see what happened next. I think the last mission of the game might have been one of the most satisfying and exciting gaming experiences I've ever had.

There is a disturbance in the force. Barry's console has finally given up on him. It will be on it's way to Microsoft in the next day or so. It's highly unlikely that it will be back in time for the release. I can imagine it's causing some honest-to-God distress for the poor guy. If anybody has a 360 to lend, I'm sure he'd pay in "favors". That's as specific as I care to get.

So, I've been gone from this space since Thursday and most of my time since then was wrapped up in Ao2: TFD. However, I did take a little time to download and try out 'Splosion Man. I was very impressed. I found myself laughing a lot at the goofy sound effects and ridiculous animations. You're a man who explodes... and when you kill an enemy they turn into all your standard "grilling-on-the-weekend" fair. It's a clever, fun, hilarious game that is AT LEAST worth a run through the demo. The control scheme is incredibly simple too... pretty much every button makes you explode. It's awesome.

Well, that's about all I've got. Keep an eye out for my full thoughts on Army of 2: The 40th Day very soon. Sorry for the short, and somewhat un-entertaining post. It's late, and it's been quiet around the Axis. Expect better soon.

Did You Know That Mass Effect 2 Is Near?

I stepped out and pre-ordered my copy of Mass Effect 2 yesterday. I'm incredibly excited about this. The first game tied up a lot of my time for at least a couple of weeks... I know Barry finished the game some ridiculous number of times (like 12... I'm not exaggerating). The story in the first game was one of the best I've gone through in a very long time. So, I'm curious and happy to see what is to become of Shepard and his group.

However, Mass Effect 2 isn't the only thing hitting shelves soon. Army of 2: The 40th Day drops today. As far as I know Barry and Ben are picking that up and plan to share many bro-hugs and fist pounds throughout. I just hope for the sake of all involved that the game doesn't allow split screen lest they end up in a spooning position. Bioshock 2 comes out in a few weeks at the beginning of February. I haven't been too terribly excited about this one. I'll likely put it in my "maybe" pile and wait for review scores to start hitting the web. Then in March, Final Fantasy XIII and a new expansion for Dragon Age: Origins are being released. I'll likely pick up FF XIII, but I never played through Dragon Age, so an expansion is unlikely to pique my interest.

In current events I continue to make my way through Darksiders and it still rings of absolute awesome. I'm hoping to finish that and have a lot more to say by the end of the weekend. I took out Tiamat last night!

NICE FUN BAGS!

Anyway, it should be a good few months. Mass Effect is easily my most anticipated game. I think between Darksiders and a little bit of back log I've got laying around, I should be able to hold off buying anything else between now and January 26th. I'm going to see if Best Buy is doing another midnight release... and then I'm going to not attend because that shit was weak for Halo 3 ODST.

If you give us a read, let us know what you're anticipating most in the next few months.